Stuck in the Middle
by waffleman1314
Summary: Monty and Vanessa end up in the wrong place at the wrong time. Can Perry keep this situation under control without consequence? Montynessa. One-shot.


**So, I did a short one-shot after seeing the new episode of Phineas and Ferb and was hype about the Montynessa! Tell me what you think. -AJ ThaPlatypus**

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"Francis, I fail to see how this is _my_ fault!"

"Well, it certainly isn't my fault, Heinz. And don't you dare blame Monty."

"Then why don't you explain why _your_ agent was helping Vanessa get away with this? Hmm? Any words of support for Perry the platypus?"

"Wait, did you just say that Agent P was _helping _Monty and Vanessa do this?"

Two sets of angry eyes turned to face me.

* * *

Okay, okay. I know you're lost. Let me start this from the very beginning and you'll see why both Doof and Monogram were suddenly ticked at me…

It was a sunny afternoon in the Tri-State Area, and Monty and I were working together to observe a L.O.V.E.M.U.F.F.I.N. convention. We were both undercover, of course, but that was a small attempt to throw off these guys- they can barely notice when I'm not wearing my fedora, so I don't think they'll recognize us incognito. As we passed through the convention, however, Monty happened to notice that Doof had brought Vanessa along. That's when I knew things were going to get complicated. Vanessa caught a glimpse of him and decided to break away from her dad when he wasn't looking to come greet us.

"Hey, Monty," she smiled. That was rare- Vanessa wasn't one to smile. Quick recap- they'd met after a mission in which I'd called Monty for backup. They met again at a coffee shop I was working undercover at, and Vanessa had caught me, so she'd asked me to cover up their date so that Doof didn't catch them. The last time they'd gone on an official date and I was present, I'd quickly diverted Doof and Monogram had been unlucky and not caught them together. So, they owed me two, but it was probably about to be three. Not probably- it was.

"Hey, Vanessa," he said, returning the smile. Hello. Perry here. Do I not exist until they need a cover-up? "I see you came along with your dad. Cool."

"Yeah, sorta," she laughed. "What are you and Perry up to?"

Thank you! Platypus has been acknowledged.

"Oh, me and Agent P are just checking out the scene," he shrugged. "Dad sent us to scope it out. Although I'm pretty sure that nothing too evil will happen here today. Is that a donut-inator your dad made?"

"Yeah, and that's nowhere near evil," Vanessa rolled her eyes. I looked behind her to see Carl and Monogram walk up to the convention. Whoa! That was a major breach in protocol! I tugged at Monty's pant leg a little to get his attention and pointed at his dad.

"What the heck is he doing here?!" Monty exclaimed. He gave me a 'pity me' look. I sighed. Yep, now they owed me three. I nodded to him and pointed for them to go off behind the inator contest display. Turning to face Monogram, I gasped when I realized that he'd noticed me and they were walking over to me. Unfortunately, so was Doof.

"Ah, Agent P!" Monogram greeted. "We decided to work out in the field today, do you like our disguises? Ah, I'm just kidding."

I raised my eyebrows and looked at their white lab coats and grey pants. Oh, come on, they _had_ to be joking. They were wearing the same outfit as Doof…

"Anyways, have you seen Monty?" Monogram asked. I shook my head no. "That's too bad, I brought him his flash drive. I guess I'll give it to him when I find him."

I shook my head no again and thrust my hand out. Confused, Monogram frowned and gave me a concerned look.

"No, really, Agent P, I'd like to give it to him myself," he said. My face contorted. This was going badly already. I motioned towards the port-a-johns and bit the bottom of my bill, still holding my hand out. "Oh, no sweat, Agent P! I can wait."

Crap. Crap, crap, crap. Monogram turned to walk over to the port-a-johns, which had a clear line of sight to where I'd sent Monty and Vanessa. I ran around the corner and whistled to Monty. He looked up and saw his dad, instantly getting what I was saying. Without a word, he grabbed Vanessa by the elbow and led her off to another location. That's when Doof walked up behind me.

"Excuse me, but could you point me to the nearest bathroom?" he asked. Phew, he didn't recognize me. I pointed to the port-a-johns, not thinking, and ran off to see where I'd sent Monty and Vanessa. By the time I'd reached them and confirmed that they were okay, I'd realized that I'd put Doof, Monogram, and Carl all in the same place. Figuring those kids were fine eating caramel apples or whatnot, I sprinted back over to the port-a-johns only to find them arguing. Great.

"Francis, no one gave you the right to waltz up in this convention!" Doof shouted.

"I'm just waiting for Monty to come out of there so I can give him his flash drive!" Monogram exclaimed. He waved the flash drive in Doof's face matter-of-factly. Carl was just standing awkwardly to the side. I ran around the back of the port-a-john they were standing around and slipped inside it from the back. (Don't ask how, that's my little secret).

"Oh? Well, what's he doing here?" Doof countered.

"That's none of your business, Heinz," Monogram huffed. I opened the door to the port-a-john and looked up at them all. Three sets of eyes were staring at me awkwardly.

"Your son is a platypus?" Doof blinked. I sighed and pulled off my disguise, and then placed my fedora on. "PERRY THE PLATYPUS, YOU'RE MAJOR MONOBROW'S SON?!"

"He is not my son! And stop calling me that!" Monogram growled. "Agent P, I thought you told me Monty was in here?"

I shrugged. Monogram narrowed his eyes at me.

"Agent P, this is an order, what is going on? Why won't you tell me where Monty is?"

I swallowed tightly and started to fake hyperventilate. That, of course, caught them all off guard, so they started to panic. It had the worst effect on Doof, though.

"My little nemesis! Look what you've done!" he cried. I fake fainted, just to keep from having to see what he was doing. That was a bad decision on my part, because Doof then picked me up and held me close like one would hug a small child. "What have you done!"

"What have _I_ done?" Monogram snorted. "It was you with all of your accusations that he was my son!"

"Right, Francis, like that has anything to do with him fainting," Doof said angrily. I could hear the hurt in his voice. "It was you asking him questions he couldn't answer!"

"He should be able to answer them, I sent him out here with Monty," Monogram said with contempt in his breath. Carl then spoke up.

"Sir, I think I see Monty over there," he said quietly. I leapt up out of Doof's grasp and tried to push Monogram and Doof out of the way, but it was too late. Monogram and Doof both turned their heads to see Monty and Vanessa laughing and holding hands. I pulled my fedora over my eyes and sang a doleful song in my head. Crap yet again. Narrowing his eyes, Monogram picked me up by the scruff of my neck and stormed over to where Monty was. I let out a panicked chatter, causing Monty and Vanessa to look up .

"Dad! Wh-what are you doing here?" he laughed nervously.

"Well, I _was_ here to give you your flash drive, but Agent P kept stalling me for whatever reason," Monogram said, his eyes full of anger. He dropped me on the ground in a heap. I had a feeling I was getting all of heck later. "So my new question is, what _are_ you doing?"

"I…well…" Monty stuttered. He stood up straighter. "I'm enjoying time with my girlfriend."

"Girlfriend?!" Monogram and Doof gasped as the same time. Monogram turned to Doof and poked him in the chest. "This is all _your_ fault!"

"Francis, I fail to see how this is _my_ fault!"

"Well, it certainly isn't my fault, Heinz. And don't you dare blame Monty."

"Then why don't you explain why _your_ agent was helping Vanessa get away with this? Hmm? Any words of support for Perry the platypus?"

"Wait, did you just say that Agent P was _helping _Monty and Vanessa do this?"

Two sets of angry eyes turned to face me.

"Well, he did seem to want you to stay away from Monty, sir," Carl threw in. Monogram picked me back up and held me up to his face. "Sir, please don't do anything you'll regret! Let Agent P be, he was just helping!"

"I'll talk to you later, Carl," Monogram said through gritted teeth. "As for _you_, Agent P, you are fired, F-I-R-E-D, fired!"

"Dad, leave Agent P alone, I asked him to cover for us!" Monty said. Monogram dropped me again. Hello, I have bones like the rest of you. He took a step closer to Monty. "Yeah, I said it- I asked him to break the rules and he's covered up for us more than just tonight."

I curled up into a tight ball, terrified of further consequence.

"You did what now?" Monogram said quietly.

"Yes, that's right, I've been dating her for a good long while now," Monty said stubbornly. "If neither of you appreciate that, then fine. We love each other, and there's nothing you can do about that."

"Aw, I love you, too," Vanessa sighed happily. Just to tick their dads off, I'm sure, they shared a long kiss right then and there. I couldn't help but smile. They worked good together.

"Francis…I know we both hate this, and…to be quite frank it's a little awkward, but…"

"A little, Heinz? A little?" Monogram growled.

"You know what I mean!" Doof said quickly. "Anyways, the point is, I don't ever see Vanessa smile, but she's smiling right now. Even if I don't like it, I can't say I won't let them be happy. I've been trying to make Vanessa happy for years…"

"You'd really let me, Dad?" Vanessa said, tears filling up her eyes. Doof nodded. She gave him a quick hug. "Thanks. You really _are_ the best dad ever."

"Well…if Heinz is okay with it…I suppose I won't be against it either…" Monogram said grouchily. "I won't ever say I approve, but if it makes you happy."

"Thanks, Dad," Monty smiled. I watched as the group dissipated. Doof went off to check out the inators and Monty and Vanessa ran off to do something together. Monogram, however, turned and looked at me.

"Agent P," he said firmly. I cowered and lowered my head as far as I could. "I think you and I will discuss your punishment back at H.Q. In the meantime, you're suspended from duty. Carl, get us back to headquarters. I'm too mad to drive."

Okay, so I was taking a hit for true love. I'm not mad. A tad scared, but I'm not mad. I'd do it for them any day. Besides- more family time. Not arguing that.

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**So? Tell me what you think!**


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